Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fairy Tales and Reality Shows Have a Lot In Common

Yesterday I was in the library and one of the librarians was reading Jack and the Bean Stock to a group of kids. I remembered it as a kid, so I stopped to listen. 

I find that as an Adult I realized that I have a completely different view of this story. I have to ask… what is the moral?

Here is my interpretation of the story of Jack and The BeanStock:   This kid, Jack, is too lazy to walk his cow all the way to town, so he sells her to the first guy he meets who has nothing but a fist full of beans. So, right off the bat we know this kid is probably the result of some sort of inbreeding.

Then, fortunately for him the seeds grow into an enormous bean stock which he climbs and finds a house where a giant lives. This giant has a goose that lays golden eggs. Jack steals this goose. The goose holler’s which alerts the Giant (so obviously the goose didn’t want to go with Jack). The Giant chases Jack, but as soon as Jack gets to the ground he chops the bean stock down, thus causing the Giant to fall (committing manslaughter).  The story ends there with Jack and his mom (which obviously is a story in itself) living happily ever after on the riches of the golden eggs the goose is now forced to lay for them whenever they choose.

So, as an adult I’m hearing that this Jack fellow is lazy, is a thief and killer. Yet, he and his mother live happily ever after? How is it this okay?

What is the message here? That giants are bad people? Unless you are an A’s fan, I don’t see how that generalization can be made.

It made me realize how wrong all those stories were that I grew up with, yet somehow they do relate to today's society.  For example:  

~The woman who lived in a shoe with so many children she didn’t what to do….slut?...or Octomom?
(Of course we also have Kate plus 8 and Angelina Jolie as well) 

~Goldilocks committed a break-in and should be considered a thief.  However, she is painted as victim, because she was scared by some bears.  (Lindsay Lohan?  The stars of Pretty Wild?)

~Three Men in a Tub?  It sounds like a porno in the making. (Today we have the Kardashians and Paris Hilton who are only famous because of a sex tape.)

I think I'm starting to understand the meaning of these old fairy tales.  I think the true message of these stories is that the world is effed up!


Saturday, August 13, 2011

My Bucket List

I started to write my life plan and got bored. Not surprising…it hasn’t been a ball of excitement so far. But I did review my strengths (limited) and weakness (too many to mention).

My biggest weakness seems to be a lack of talent. While, I can make a mean margarita, successfully operate a DVR, and actually fold a map. I have to ask myself… is that enough?

In the kitchen I am a whiz as long as the food is precooked and frozen. I'm not bad at baking, unfortunately however, when the nation switches completely over to fluorescent bulbs my Easy Bake Oven will be out of commission and then I’ll be screwed.

I do succeed in self-pity, whining, and bitching. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen those listed under any job descriptions.

So instead of a "life plan", I have decided to work on my bucket list. In writing this list I realized that I am really not into the hard-core I-might-die-from-this shit. It's actually nothing too extraordinary, but I'm sure it's different now than it would have been 20 years ago. Anyway, this is what I came up with:

#1. I like to laugh and I've always admired comedians. I have an appreciation for people who can make others laugh; come up with brilliant ideas; and complain and bitch in a way that makes it funny. I would like to learn to do that and take on the world by making them laugh.
     ~~Bucket list Item #1… learn to do standup.
(I am actually doing this! I have been attending workshops and have a performance scheduled for the 24th.)

#2. I’ve always wanted to finish a book. ~~Bucket List #2…read a book all the way through.

#3. I’ve also wanted to write a book and now with some of these free on-line publishing programs it’ll be easier to self-publish. Plus, I can make it as long or short as I like! So watch for my 10 page cook book to be published soon. It will be called “Yes…it is food…so shut up and eat it."
    ~~Bucket List #3 …write and publish a book…any book.

#4.  I need to come up with more to put on my bucket list.
   ~~ Bucket List #4  finish bucket list.  (I think that's a bit like using your third wish to wish for more wishes.)

So there it is...short and sweet and still a little boring...just like me. :-]  


Saturday, August 6, 2011

What's up Doc?

My husband has been a little worried about me with reason. He has banned me from the evening news. Every time I watch it I feel like I need a drink and shower afterwards. Things seem so bleak.

My husband encouraged me to see my doctor. The truth is that I already had an appointment for my regular checkup (which was scheduled before I lost my job). I didn’t tell Bruce this because he likes to believe that I actually listen to him once in a while.

Last week I had my doctor’s appointment (it was amazing that I could get an appointment so soon…wink wink). She shares her office with several other doctors so the waiting room is fairly large. Probably double the size of a normal waiting room. Most the people there look kind of sick which made me feel a little guilty about being there while I was perfectly healthy. It also made me realize how gross those old magazines must be. There must be years of germs just hanging on to them waiting for someone like me to pick them up without care or trepidation. It didn’t really matter though, because I wasn’t that interested in reading about Fly Fishing or Nascar. The only People magazine available was from 5 years ago and yet it was still Angelina on the cover.

I finally got called in, got weighed, had my ears checked, my temperature taken, and my blood pressure taken. Everything my poor dog goes through at the vet…only they failed to check my teeth. Then I wait…and wait…and wait. Until I am no longer a patient I am an inpatient. HaHa…of course I’m sure my doctor has never heard that one. Right?

I remind myself that I don’t have anywhere else to go. So, I decide to lie down on the nice uncomfortable bed they supply in every room. Of course just as I start to drift off to sleep the doctor comes in.

She knocks on the door as she enters. What is the point of that? Even if I was in a compromising situation the knock/enter would not be sufficient to uncompromised the situation. But…I digress.

After giving me a rundown of my blood work and the standard “watch your cholesterol” speech, she asked me how things were going. She seemed to genuinely care.

But then she turned on me and reminded me that I was aging. She started to go on about “women your age”. Really you just lump us all together like that? She said a lot of women (my age) start to feel lost like they have no purpose in life anymore. How dare she! I don’t care that she was right, I was still pissed. She said that maybe I needed to take up a hobby. Then she went on to say “what a lot of women your age do is find a new identity. It seems to make them happy. Perhaps you should consider finding a new identity.” Really?

So I found a new identity...I took hers. Then I bought some shoes, a matching purse and a jet pack. (Not really, although it crossed my mind for an instant.)


Friday, August 5, 2011

A New Turning Point

I have recently joined the ranks of the unemployed. I guess no one is going to be too surprised. I got the pink slip which says I’m out of a job...but it does remind me to get my breast examined.

It was interesting how it was handled. They brought me into an office and said “We have had to make some hard decisions and we have decided to let you go.” It was a weird way of putting it. However, the fact that they were “letting me go” did confirm my suspicions that they were indeed holding me hostage.

The first few days of unemployment were rather relaxing. I slept in...or rather I tried to sleep in, but my dog was too excited about me being home. She probably thought she was helping when she forced her cold wet nose on my bare thigh while I was still asleep. Let’s face it, once you sit up and scream there is no going back to sleep. So that has become my morning alarm clock and ritual. It consists of me being rudely awakened, getting up and heading for the bathroom while my dog, Lucy does her little “I win!” dance. Damn dog!

I have been contemplating my next steps. I find it difficult to get excited about anything, especially the idea of getting another job. I don’t know if I’m a lousy employee, or if I’ve had a series of crappy employers, or if all workplaces are joyless and oppressive. Most of the people I know are unhappy with their work environment which worries me even more.

I never had a job I hated; I’ve just worked in places where employees were not exactly appreciated. For the most part, with this past group of managers, their admiration for their employees went without saying...seriously never mentioned.

I know that life often brings changes. There are those that have tried to make me feel better by saying things like “when one door closes…another door opens”. For me…it is my refrigerator freezer door where I reach for my two psychotherapists Ben and Jerry (and Cherry Garcia)... and then the world is good again.