Thursday, September 8, 2011

I HAVE A VISION…well, I have a television.

I thought now that I have some extra time I’d get caught up on important things… like TV.

What I discovered was shocking!  Television, especially daytime TV, sucks!

I think the network executives know this because they seem to be trying to spice things up by giving shows violent names like Storage Wars, Karaoke Battles, BeatBox Battles, Towing wars, and my favorite the Cupcake wars. (What can be better than violence and baked goods?)

If creatures from other planets got a glimpse of our current TV shows they would have to assume that we are an incredibly petty race considering the things we seem to be battling over.

The food network is one of the worst. Do the executives there really believe that men are that stupid? Do they think that giving baking shows brutal sounding names is is going to fool men into watching a couple gay guys and some fat broads whipping up a batch of cupcakes?

While baking shows are given violent names, game shows are just becoming more violent. I remember when people use to sit in chairs, answer questions, and a buzzer was used to indicate wrong answers. Now, contestants are thrown off catapults and buildings. They are thrown into water and pelted with objects. There is even a show that gives contestants an electric shock for answering wrong. What has happened? 

Groucho Marx’s “You Bet your life” would have a whole new meaning in today’s world.

I also can’t stand the excessive narcissism of reality shows. The Fanny Pack (aka the Kardashians) are the worst with their inordinate greed and gluttony. Even the commercials for the show are benign. There was actually one commercial that showed the Kardashians at the dentist and said “find out which Kardasian has a cavity”. (I bet millions were shaking with excitement for that riveting episode.)

I find it hard to believe that anyone cares which one has a cavity, or which one pees on herself, or which on farted in public. Seriously, if you are waiting on the edge of your seat to find out which Kardasian had a public butt malfunction, you need to get a life even more than I do.

We live in a weird society.

There's also a bizarre show called “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant”. In almost every episode a woman is in a bathroom in pain. She thinks she has a bad case of constipation, but ends up with a baby in the toilet. I really just think they should rename the show “OMG…Look What I Just Crapped Out!”

Another popular reality show that bugs me is the one with the plastic women. Their facial skin is pull so tight that they look like reconstructed burn victims. They have fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, and fake tans. What is it called? What else…The Real Housewives. (Plah-leeze…)  A real housewife would be in sweats, a stained t-shirt, yelling at her kids while burning some Hamburger Helper on the stove.


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